June 30th, 10:48pm

I once saw a woman post a video sharing common phrases she didn't like. She then proceeded to mention the phrase,"everything happens for a reason", to which I immediately disagreed and scrolled to the next video. I had deeply resonated with this phrase, making it my source of comfort, motivation, and most importantly, meaning in life. But I also valued the importance of seeing things from multiple perspectives, so I swiped back out of curiosity for what she had to say.



She began with something unexpected to me, which were the five stages of grief: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She then emphasized a sixth stage: making meaning.



"I dont want meaning making to get confused with everything happens for a reason," she said, and I understood.



Recently, I went through two kinds of breakups. One with my best friend, which was much earlier, and then later with my partner. It was during my romantic relationship that I broke up with my friend. She had changed into a person I no longer aligned with, nor could I be myself with. Later, my partner broke up with me, and I realized how it felt to live without both of my most significant connections. It was also when I adopted the phrase, "everything happens for a reason," into my philosophy. Amid the struggle of rebuilding myself, strengthening connections with new friends, and feeling like a little girl riding social training wheels again, that phrase had been my unwavering voice of encouragement. Although it felt incredibly painful and frustrating at times, I knew that I was feeling those emotions for a good reason. Those breakups were inevitably meant to happen, and the universe wanted me to experience them. It was its way of making me fix parts of myself that I didn't know needed fixing, rekindle old friendships, learn from my mistakes, know what I needed in the future-- the list goes on. The more I believed that everything happened for a reason, the more it began to heal me. I began to feel grateful for those breakups.



Fast forward to the night I was on my phone. I watched the woman disagree on the very phrase that had carried me through my grief. But as I continued to consider her reasoning, that there is a distinction between "making meaning" and "everything happens for a reason", I began to alter my philosophy. Believing that everything happens for a reason implies that something external controls your fate and the way you learn. It means that your life has already been predetermined. You cannot necessarily control it, but only follow the predetermined path. The process of making meaning, conversely, implies that you have full autonomy over the fate of your life. You decide how you will react to situations, and thus how you will learn.



I've started to realize that we give a lot less credit to ourselves than what we truly deserve. We rely too much on external validation and preestablished reasoning to verify our own created thoughts and feelings. Part of being human is to think things without a second doubt. After watching the woman's video, I realized that my grieving process, along with my philosophy, had been my way of making meaning.



Believing everything happens for a reason in itself is a form of one making meaning, and so is every other reason to life one may believe. I find it fascinating that we always inherently gravitate towards finding or creating an answer, when in reality, we don't need to. Making meaning is a beautifully unique ability that we possess, giving us diversity within the social and conceptual realm.